Should you check your partners phone?
I took a poll asking 30 people if they have ever checked their partners phone. 5 people said that they have. The rest said that they don't think it's acceptable.
The simple answer is no. If you feel like you should be checking what your partner is doing on their phone, then there is obviously no trust in your relationship. Allowing your partner to have privacy is a step towards a more mature relationship. I know this is easier said than done, as social media has taken over this generation. It has caused us to put up barriers that weren't in place beforehand, change the way that we act and especially the way that we look in order to fit in with social standards. But the impact of social media is as negative as you AND your partner let it be.
The Problem: Social Media
People have a tendency to over compensate for their insecurities through social media, and when I say over compensate I mean attract/talk to other boys/girls in order to make themselves feel better about their insecurities. I know this because among the boys I have dated, there have been a few who were probably talking to other girls on social media as well as in real life (BIG LOL), even though they had me. And don't think that girls are any better, because we have just as many insecurities that we need validating. Social media makes it too easy for people to get attention elsewhere. I think that if your partner is talking to other people there is a reason, whether its obvious or not. Ask yourself: Am I giving 100 percent to our relationship? Am I giving them the attention that they deserve/need?
But they've done it before...
If you've caught your partner talking to other girls/boys secretively before, then it's understandable that you feel obligated to check their phone. However, if you still feel like they're not being loyal to you, you need to ask yourself whether or not it's worth maintaining your relationship if you feel like they have made no effort to change their actions. Everybody makes mistakes. As destroying as it is to know that your partner has been talking to someone else, I think it's important to ask yourself why they are doing this. People often flirt with other people online when they are feeling a level of unfulfillment from their relationship. It's important to put yourself in their point of view, and question if you've been giving them the attention that they need.
Give them a chance to change. Do not make your partner feel as though you are constantly checking what they are doing on their phone; give them space, give them the opportunity to prove their loyalty once more and if they do not, then you cannot expect them to change. If you give them the opportunity to prove themselves and they do not take it, you should ask yourself if they are prioritising your relationship or themselves.
Actions not words
HOWEVER... if you're partner repeatedly talks to other boys/girls, then they are demonstrating that they have zero loyalties to you. In any relationship, you must remember that actions speak louder than words. If they say that they're not going to do it again, and you catch them doing it again, then you have no reason to trust them again. They have physically shown you that they will not change, and that they say things that are not true. If you live by this principle it will ensure that you do not get hurt again.
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