If you have ever experienced a mental illness, you will know that it can not only take over your life, but it can also hold you as a prisoner inside of your own body. In today's day and age it is even more common to feel trapped in a depressive state due to online exposure.
My Experience
For years, I have had an ongoing battle with depression and anxiety. Often my mental illness has taken the reigns away from me in life when I have needed to take control the most. It has caused me to constantly doubt myself, to tear down my self belief in the most crucial moments. It has interfered with my friendships, relationships, jobs and my education in ways that I hadn't even noticed before until now.
The truth is - my mental illness has ruined a lot of things for me. It can feel like a dark shadow, constantly in the corner of your eye - you know it's there and you can't get rid of it. It makes you see life completely differently. If you've seen Netflix's Stranger Things, then you will know how they compare the real world with the other dark dimension that they reference to as "the upside down." Mental illness can be the same. One minute, everything is fine, normal even. Then the next minute, your whole world shifts into a darker version, desolate of life. A lot of the time you question whether you can have a future or if you even want to have one because you feel so trapped.
Mental Illness is Cancerous
For years people have had a massive hatred against cancer. Cancer is a nasty disease that tears people away from their family's, and it always hits when it's least expected. The hatred that people have towards such a treacherous disease is the sort of hatred I believe we should have against mental illness. Cancer is a physical and painful disease, and if you actually think about it closely, it is comparable to mental illness. It is uncontrollable, it strikes when you least expect it and like a tumour, it will undoubtedly spread without treatment.
Just as cancer can't just be ignored, neither can your mental health and emotions. It's an infestation inside of you, and in order to have a good future you need to acknowledge as well as combat it.
The Trap
More often than not, everything can feel like an absolute struggle. Sometimes you can't even get out of bed, it's too hard, what's the point? Call in sick to work. You need to eat, but you can't bring yourself to make anything. Order food. You have an essay due tomorrow, but there's no point in finishing it, it's shit anyway. Eat takeout and watch Netflix all day. See what everyone's getting up to on social media. Feel even more depressed at the end of the day.
Your mental illness doesn't have any remorse. It will take advantage of you at your lowest, it will turn you against yourself, often leading to bad choices and therefore bad consequences. It makes you believe that its on your side, but it's not. It is your worst enemy.
Mental Illness is the enemy, not you
If you're reading this, then it is likely that you need to hear something: YOU ARE NOT THE ENEMY. For a really long time I confused myself with being the problem behind my own problems. This is what I was taught to believe by my own family, some friends and definitely myself. Something that we are not taught about enough, is that you are not your mental illness. Because you deal with this mental illness for such a long time and in your own head, it ultimately becomes a part of you. You can start to define yourself as negative, depressed, OCD, an anxious person, a PTSD victim, anorexic. Without realising it your sole existence is now being defined by your mental illness; in other words, it is holding you captive.
Another factor that is overlooked in this case is the impact of those around you. Insensitive comments from your family or friends like "why are you so moody?" ,"you seem fine to me," and "just get on with it," teach you to belittle your own feelings, mostly telling you to just shut up and not talk about your mental health. Because of this, you internalise these feelings of rejection and believe yourself to be the problem rather than your own mental illness. When people -especially those closest to you - brush off your feelings, it causes you to subconsciously do the same thing to yourself. A hard lesson that I have had to learn is that the people around you have a massive impact on your mental health. That is why it is essential that you surround yourself with the right people.
Don't let your mental illness hold you captive
Throughout my battle with depression and anxiety, I was always waiting for something. I was waiting for someone to come to my apartment and tell me to get up, get dressed and start working. I was waiting for a magic rush of motivation to get me to complete my daily tasks, a book or video that was going to change my life: a "magic" cure for my depression. It took me about 5 years, but I began to realise that there is no magic cure. The harsh truth is that you are your own cure. You are the only person in the world who can save yourself from being a prisoner to your own mental illness.
Something that I had to realise is that not every thought in your head is actually yours. Every time you want to do something positive, there's a voice in your head encouraging you to do the opposite. I had to realise that every time there is a decision to be made, there will always be a battle between you and your mental illness.
I know, it's frustrating. No one wants to be in a constant battle. But you have to ask yourself, is this how I want to live my life forever? For a long time I allowed myself to fall into the trap. I listened to my mental illness, I took its advice and I wasn't living my life. It wasn't my life because I wasn't in control.
In order to take back the reigns in your life, you need to take a step back and look at it from an outsiders perspective. This is scary because 9 times out of 10, you're not going to like what you see. The truth is harsh, and it is something that your mental illness wants to hide from you. Something I have had to learn repeatedly is that your mental illness uses your comfort zone against you. Just like a procrastinator, your mental illness wants you to put off everything in your life and pay attention to it, and only it. However, giving it your devoted attention is the worst thing you can possibly do for yourself and your future.
Take your control back
From the start of your day, you need to tell your mental illness NO. Do it out loud if you have to as it is proven to be more effective. You need to take back control of your life, and that starts everyday when you wake up. Everyday is a battle against your mental illness, and although sometimes the fight is a lot of work, the results are worth the effort. Give yourself a routine and try your absolute hardest to stick to it.
A lot of people don't like hearing that they need to make changes in order to have a happier life. For some people they need to change their diet, stop eating processed foods and start exercising more. For others, they need to stop spending as much time on social media, maybe go for a walk each day. But having a routine, looking after your physical and mental health is truly the only way to fight against your mental illness and ultimately take your own life back. If you don't accept this then your life will not ever change; you will be captive to your mental illness. You are the decider of your own future.
But change doesn't happen overnight. Some people expect to see significant results within a short period of time and will get discouraged when they can't see them. When people are going to run a marathon they will often train for up to six months in order to be fully prepared. After training consistently for months, it is guaranteed that they will see results and running will become easier. It's the same with your mind. You need to give yourself time to strengthen yourself mentally in order for your fight against mental health to become less of a burden every day.
So, my point is, don't stop fighting. If you want to be successful without anything holding you back, you need to take back the reigns on your own life.
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